The following personal ad is for a man essentially looking for a slave. While I could not be happy in this kind of one-way relationship, I have to give him kudos for being 100% honest with his expectations.
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Looking for my life partner. - 32
Reply to: pers-582116966@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-21, 2:48PM PST
Here are my rules, if you can deal with them then please send me your picture and we will take it from there.
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for my return.
This is a way of letting me know that you have be thinking about me and are concerned about my needs.
I am hungry when i get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when i arrives.
Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. I have just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little happy and a little more interesting for me.
My boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before i arrive. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for me to unwind by.
I will feel i have reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to my comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of my arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet (When we have some).
Be happy to see me.
Greet me with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please me.
Listen to me. You may have a dozen important things to tell me, but the moment of my arrival is not the time.
Let me talk first - remember, my topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Don't greet me with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if i am late for dinner or even if i stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what i might have gone through at work.
Make me comfortable. Have me lean back in a comfortable chair or lie me down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for me.
Arrange my pillow and offer to take off my shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask me questions about my actions or question my judgment or integrity. Remember, i am the master of the house and as such will always exercise my will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question me.
A good wife always knows her place.
Found at: http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/m4w/582116966.html
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Is this you ? ? ? ? ?
What a real man would do....
• Grab her neck when you kiss her, it's a real turn on. Not her butt/boobs.
• Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
• When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go then kiss her
• When she says she's ok dont believe it talk with her
• Never cheat on her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
• Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
• Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
• Treat her like a person and not something to show off for
• Tease her and let her tease you back.
• Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
• Watch her favorite movie with her.
• TRUST HER WITH HER GUY FRIENDS
• Let her wear your clothes.
• When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
• Let her know she's important.
• Kiss her in the pouring rain.
• When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
Found at: http://sacramento.craigslist.org/mis/580087129.html
• Grab her neck when you kiss her, it's a real turn on. Not her butt/boobs.
• Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
• When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go then kiss her
• When she says she's ok dont believe it talk with her
• Never cheat on her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
• Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
• Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
• Treat her like a person and not something to show off for
• Tease her and let her tease you back.
• Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
• Watch her favorite movie with her.
• TRUST HER WITH HER GUY FRIENDS
• Let her wear your clothes.
• When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
• Let her know she's important.
• Kiss her in the pouring rain.
• When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
Found at: http://sacramento.craigslist.org/mis/580087129.html
Friday, February 8, 2008
An open letter to the dumbass who punched my window.
Reply to: pers-567842156@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-08, 7:23PM PST
Dear ignorant ass,
You will remember me as the guy in the white ford f-250 today. You were driving a rather sketchy looking honda with a ICP sticker in the backwindow. I was behind you at the light.
Now, let me start with the fact that I exercise extreme patience. Really, I do try to not get frazzled in certain situations.
Traffic light turns green. You don't go. I don't know what you were doing... smoking a joint, jerking off, beating your wife, I don't really care. But whatever it was caused you not to take your foot off the large pedal, and put it on the long skinny one on the right.
I went by my 5 second rule. That means I gave you five seconds, then, and not in an obnoxious way, (more like a Wiley Coyote vs. Roadrunner sort of way) I honked my horn 2x.
Meep Meep.
Now. Maybe you had a bad day, maybe you were high, maybe you are an enviromental activist who couldn't stand me driving a diesel powered automobile. I don't know, and once again, I don't care.
You, being for some reason very irritated, careened out of your car, slammed the door, and charged my truck. Spikey haircut, cut-off tee, worn out shorts and all, you charge directly to my side window.
You weren't armed. So I just sat there, window up, with a look of, well, not surprise, but confusion. Really? Are you that pissed I honked at you?
You screamed, cursed, and spit on my window. You now, obviously upset that I have not accepted your invitation to fisti-cuffs, nor rolled down my window, proceed to punch said window...
It didn't break. Duh. You watch too much TV. I'll bet it hurt like a bitch though.
I will stop here for a sidenote. Remember that I said you were not armed? I therefore did not classify you as a viable threat at the time.
See, the entire time you were pulling your shit-fit, my right hand was crossed over my waist, my 9mm Beretta was already drawn, round chambered, safety off, just sitting there, aimed through my armrest, at you. Less than a foot away.
Had you made a move for your pocket, obtained something from your car that could be used as a weapon, or actually gotten through that window, you most likely would not have made it to where you were going in very good shape.
Ever see a 9mm round go through a door? I have. Several times. I'm the guy who gives classes to teach other guys how to kill people. Doors don't stop bullets,,, no, they just slow them down, cause them to tumble, therefore tearing into your flesh with the glass and power window parts from the door.
I can draw from the holster and put a round on target in under a second. By my calculations, I could have reloaded twice (that's all the magazines I had). That means I could have dumped 45 Rounds into you... all before the light went red again.
But I am a patient man.
I actually like people, and value life.
So, I say to you dumbshit... be thankfull I wasn't having the kind of day you were having.
And, thankfully for you, you smartened up, and went back to your car, had you not, I would have exited said truck, pistol whipped your bitch ass, and beat you like you owe me money.
TO YOU, AND ALL DUMBSHITS LIKE THIS... I WARN YOU... THIS IS NEVADA, NOT CALIFORNIA, MOST OF US HAVE GUNS, AND THANKS TO NICE, LIBERAL LAWS, THE SMARTER OF US AREN'T AFRAID TO USE THE.
GROW THE FUCK UP AND ACT LIKE ADULTS, SO YOUR FAMILY WON'T TRY TO SUE ME LATER ON WHEN I MAKE A WIDOW OF YOUR WIFE.
Peace out.
Found at: http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/rnr/567842156.html
Date: 2008-02-08, 7:23PM PST
Dear ignorant ass,
You will remember me as the guy in the white ford f-250 today. You were driving a rather sketchy looking honda with a ICP sticker in the backwindow. I was behind you at the light.
Now, let me start with the fact that I exercise extreme patience. Really, I do try to not get frazzled in certain situations.
Traffic light turns green. You don't go. I don't know what you were doing... smoking a joint, jerking off, beating your wife, I don't really care. But whatever it was caused you not to take your foot off the large pedal, and put it on the long skinny one on the right.
I went by my 5 second rule. That means I gave you five seconds, then, and not in an obnoxious way, (more like a Wiley Coyote vs. Roadrunner sort of way) I honked my horn 2x.
Meep Meep.
Now. Maybe you had a bad day, maybe you were high, maybe you are an enviromental activist who couldn't stand me driving a diesel powered automobile. I don't know, and once again, I don't care.
You, being for some reason very irritated, careened out of your car, slammed the door, and charged my truck. Spikey haircut, cut-off tee, worn out shorts and all, you charge directly to my side window.
You weren't armed. So I just sat there, window up, with a look of, well, not surprise, but confusion. Really? Are you that pissed I honked at you?
You screamed, cursed, and spit on my window. You now, obviously upset that I have not accepted your invitation to fisti-cuffs, nor rolled down my window, proceed to punch said window...
It didn't break. Duh. You watch too much TV. I'll bet it hurt like a bitch though.
I will stop here for a sidenote. Remember that I said you were not armed? I therefore did not classify you as a viable threat at the time.
See, the entire time you were pulling your shit-fit, my right hand was crossed over my waist, my 9mm Beretta was already drawn, round chambered, safety off, just sitting there, aimed through my armrest, at you. Less than a foot away.
Had you made a move for your pocket, obtained something from your car that could be used as a weapon, or actually gotten through that window, you most likely would not have made it to where you were going in very good shape.
Ever see a 9mm round go through a door? I have. Several times. I'm the guy who gives classes to teach other guys how to kill people. Doors don't stop bullets,,, no, they just slow them down, cause them to tumble, therefore tearing into your flesh with the glass and power window parts from the door.
I can draw from the holster and put a round on target in under a second. By my calculations, I could have reloaded twice (that's all the magazines I had). That means I could have dumped 45 Rounds into you... all before the light went red again.
But I am a patient man.
I actually like people, and value life.
So, I say to you dumbshit... be thankfull I wasn't having the kind of day you were having.
And, thankfully for you, you smartened up, and went back to your car, had you not, I would have exited said truck, pistol whipped your bitch ass, and beat you like you owe me money.
TO YOU, AND ALL DUMBSHITS LIKE THIS... I WARN YOU... THIS IS NEVADA, NOT CALIFORNIA, MOST OF US HAVE GUNS, AND THANKS TO NICE, LIBERAL LAWS, THE SMARTER OF US AREN'T AFRAID TO USE THE.
GROW THE FUCK UP AND ACT LIKE ADULTS, SO YOUR FAMILY WON'T TRY TO SUE ME LATER ON WHEN I MAKE A WIDOW OF YOUR WIFE.
Peace out.
Found at: http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/rnr/567842156.html
Thursday, February 7, 2008
A LADY Wouldn't Do That... - m4w - 24
Reply to: pers-565613072@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-06, 8:23PM PST
I met you at a dance bar in Hollywood on Friday night. You were dressed much classier than the other girls there, yet you stood out as much more attractive. You were shying off to the side talking to a guy that was clearly not your man. It didn’t stop me from (cordially) asking if he was your guy anyways (after he had walked away). You told me he was your neighbor and we proceeded to chat.
We hit it off pretty well. We were laughing and chatting and you were giving me a big genuine smile, the kind you cannot fake. (You have an amazing smile by the way.) I didn’t feel slightly used buying you a drink.
We were only chatting for about 20 minutes when you said you had to go because your ride was leaving. You gave me your number and away you went...
I called you Sunday night and you gave me a warm greeting and we small-talked for a few minutes. I said I was thinking about checking out this comedy club on Thursday night and asked if you’d care to join me. You did not hesitate before saying “Yeah, I’m totally down!” (Great!) I was heading out to meet some friends but I told you I would get a hold of you with the show time, etc. and we would work out the details then.
The next day, I bought a pair of tickets to the show. I called you to work out the details of the date, but you disappeared. Didn’t return my voicemail or text...
Why would you do this? I don’t care if you aren’t interested in me, but I do care about my time, money and effort. Would it have been so hard to say “no”? Now I have tickets to a show and no date... thanks. There are numerous ways of rejecting me that would have been more straightforward way than you chose. For future reference, here are some of those options:
1) You could’ve said “no” when I asked if I could get your number or pretend like you didn’t hear me ask.
2) You could’ve given me a fake number which I would’ve figured out when I tried to call you.
3) You could’ve not picked up your phone and never called me back. Like any guy with a clue, I would’ve only tried once.
4) You could’ve said “no” when I asked you out.
5) You could’ve given me an obvious excuse when I asked you out, (like ‘I have to wash my hair that night’) I can take a hint...
6) Even if you wanted to be nice, you could’ve told me that you already had plans for that night but you would call me back when you had some free time. Any guy would know that you have no intentions of calling back.
If you read this and have any defense for your actions, please, I would really like to hear it. I’d also like to hear if any other women out there can explain this phenomenon, because this is not the first time that I’ve seen a woman pull this trick. And if there’s any cute (straightforward) women out there who would like to accompany me to a comedy show tomorrow night (my treat!), also feel free to drop me a line.
Found at: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/mis/565613072.html
Date: 2008-02-06, 8:23PM PST
I met you at a dance bar in Hollywood on Friday night. You were dressed much classier than the other girls there, yet you stood out as much more attractive. You were shying off to the side talking to a guy that was clearly not your man. It didn’t stop me from (cordially) asking if he was your guy anyways (after he had walked away). You told me he was your neighbor and we proceeded to chat.
We hit it off pretty well. We were laughing and chatting and you were giving me a big genuine smile, the kind you cannot fake. (You have an amazing smile by the way.) I didn’t feel slightly used buying you a drink.
We were only chatting for about 20 minutes when you said you had to go because your ride was leaving. You gave me your number and away you went...
I called you Sunday night and you gave me a warm greeting and we small-talked for a few minutes. I said I was thinking about checking out this comedy club on Thursday night and asked if you’d care to join me. You did not hesitate before saying “Yeah, I’m totally down!” (Great!) I was heading out to meet some friends but I told you I would get a hold of you with the show time, etc. and we would work out the details then.
The next day, I bought a pair of tickets to the show. I called you to work out the details of the date, but you disappeared. Didn’t return my voicemail or text...
Why would you do this? I don’t care if you aren’t interested in me, but I do care about my time, money and effort. Would it have been so hard to say “no”? Now I have tickets to a show and no date... thanks. There are numerous ways of rejecting me that would have been more straightforward way than you chose. For future reference, here are some of those options:
1) You could’ve said “no” when I asked if I could get your number or pretend like you didn’t hear me ask.
2) You could’ve given me a fake number which I would’ve figured out when I tried to call you.
3) You could’ve not picked up your phone and never called me back. Like any guy with a clue, I would’ve only tried once.
4) You could’ve said “no” when I asked you out.
5) You could’ve given me an obvious excuse when I asked you out, (like ‘I have to wash my hair that night’) I can take a hint...
6) Even if you wanted to be nice, you could’ve told me that you already had plans for that night but you would call me back when you had some free time. Any guy would know that you have no intentions of calling back.
If you read this and have any defense for your actions, please, I would really like to hear it. I’d also like to hear if any other women out there can explain this phenomenon, because this is not the first time that I’ve seen a woman pull this trick. And if there’s any cute (straightforward) women out there who would like to accompany me to a comedy show tomorrow night (my treat!), also feel free to drop me a line.
Found at: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/mis/565613072.html
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